Moving therapy

Moving country worked for me so far.

I was miserable in London. I ‘hated’ almost everything about living there with the smallest things triggering my strong desire to flee. Everyday stuff like traffic; delayed public transport; invasion of personal space; rubbish; poor service; cost of a pint; Bankers. Bigger things too. Can amazing and free museums diminish my heartbreak and anger over Brexit, knowing that it was fuelled by xenophobia, gullibility, lies, and misguided sense of place, entitlement, and superiority? Can’t for me. English politics and its trajectory only seemed to get worse as time went on; the more harm you did, the greater the spoils. A bunch of muppets were and are running the country and the majority of voters just seem to want more that shit please. I was afraid for my future there.

It was closing down on me and the only comforting place was our lovely flat; a small space where we control the environment (except those prohibited by the lease!) I could have stayed put and worked on why I feel this way, although that’s only worth the effort if there’s a desirable end to work towards; it’s not the thing for a dead-end relationship. I knew the alternative I wanted: nature at my doorstep and a large enough isolated plot of land where I can create an environment I’m comfortable in. I wanted to see no one unless I invited them in.

There was doubt. What would I do for money? Would I actually feel better? This might be a head, not a place, problem. I couldn’t genuinely answer most questions but I felt strongly that the only way to find out is to just do it. How could it be reasonably possible to predict my state of mind after a major change… what inspiration I might have… who’d I befriend… what experiences I’d have that would change me? The best I could do is imagine the first day; the rest was a fantasy.

I moved to a small town in northern Portugal called Amarante. (Why Amarante you ask?). I slowly started paying less attention Brexit and enjoy the honeymoon period bliss of not knowing local politics. I’ve felt empowered to be in control and have made an active change to attempt to be more content. I’m physically active by working on my land. I’m growing a bit of food. I’ve been inspired to write again — Hello! :) — and even got paid work as a writer. I’ve created meaningful friendships. I’m in nature every day… I open the door to my home office to a the blast of sounds and smells it offers, and I’m pretty sure that’s doing me good.

Some time into my life here I noticed how calm I’ve become and how those things that used to get me so upset didn’t bother me. I wasn’t putting any effort into it… it just happened. I’m less anxious; less bitter; more in a good mood. I’m therefore confident in saying that my intuition about going for a ‘moving therapy’ has worked out for me so far.

I’m pretty sure that the main difference between my life in London and my life here is that here I want things to work out while there I ‘wanted’ to nurture the misery, where everything took a negative twist. I needed a meaningful change and a move is what I’ve decided should happen. It’s possible that with time I’ll start not liking things here as well but that wouldn’t take away the periods I felt truly content.

Here I am doing some research with my assistant.